In search of story

May 27.20: Coping


You’ve seen “The Scream,” yes, dear reader? This is “The Gasp.” I made this! I, who scotch-taped pieces of fabric together to make doll clothes, made this mask with actual needle and thread. And no blood stains! I did, of course, draw blood because one of the rules of sewing is Stab yourself with the needle, but for once I didn’t get it on the material. Sometimes I amaze myself.

When I stepped away from the blog a couple weeks ago, my intention was to do what I could to re-arrange my head to survive this barrage of grief and flim-flam. What does one do with such resentment and frustration and creeping hopelessness in isolation? One grabs a dust rag and follows the lead of her ancestors.

Yes, I’ve been cleaning. To be clear, my housecleaning would never pass inspection by my mother or grandmothers. But I told their ghosts to shove off. I’ve cleaned, thrown out, packed away. It is symbolic, of course, but it is also a proven way to clear my head. If I can dig into something physically, I can dig out mentally.

I have baked, continuing my search for the El Dorado of gluten-free blueberry muffins.

Gardening beckoned but opportunity was limited to occasional cold and soggy weeding. Now overnight it’s the Amazon. I have mourned the death of spring in keeping with this season of requiem.

I started to go out last week, feeling like one of these emerging cicadas.

I made a mask!

Physically I’m better, but still get short of breath and tired. Fortunately, I was born pokey so slowing down comes naturally to me.

I have missed you and been concerned about you, dear reader. I hope you’ve managed to keep safe and sane.

12 thoughts on “May 27.20: Coping

  1. Welcome back! Cool mask!

  2. It’s good to have you back, mask and all. You’ve given me a smile to start my morning. But I’m jealous of your musical fabric – I just had to use the one piece of fabric I had on hand, which was much less interesting.

  3. You’re back! I love the mask. 🙂 I feel like life has gone from ‘drive’ to ‘first gear.’ I’m grumpy, short tempered, devoid of patience, and just down right sick of myself. You have had your clean, and I’ve had my gardening. Of course, I can only garden about half a day and need ice packs the other half. 🙂 The temperature here today is an actual 89 with a real feel of 100. I shoveled about 2/3’s of a yard of wood chips this morning and then totally ran out of gas and had to call it a day. I’ll finish it in the morning because what else do I have to do. 🙂 I missed you.

    • Thank you! I send a boatload of frozen sympathy to you! Apply as needed! I cannot believe you spent so much time shoveling in that heat. We are almost as bad here — the humidity is hideous — but we’re hovering around a mere 90. I had to laugh at your description of “first gear,” but, boy, do I understand!

  4. I’m sure many of us have also been concerned about you during your hiatus. Congratulations on your musical creation.
    If you can tame it, he Amazon in your back yard sounds a lot better than frost and cold.

    • Thanks, Shirah! Yes, the Amazon weather is better for the garden, but I think I should be able to set the dial somewhere between freeze and swelter. But every little plant I get in the ground feels good.

  5. It’s reassuring to see you out and about again. You see how you have been missed! I am very impressed by your craftiness (though that doesn’t sound right). Your picture reminds me of what I was thinking when I first put my mask on and looked in the mirror. I was trying to look friendly, but it wasn’t working out.

    • Thank you for the laugh! I too have been wondering how we communicate with just our eyes. Looking astounded was easy. As to my craftiness, I chuckle, but I also grant that you may have an insight there.

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